Dear gentleman I overheard outside of a gas station in Little Rock,
I've tried really hard to let this go. I really have, I've given it some time, I told myself it didn't matter. But it does sir, it does. Listen, this might come as a shock to you... well, I can't just jump right into this. Maybe you need an explanation? Ok... You make us sound stupid. I can accept warsh. (That's a lie, I really can't, it's wash, bitches,) but when you talk about this kind of stuff, well, it's some pretty serious shit. Listen, maybe it's the way you've always heard it, or whatever. I know, it's hard, but it's nuclear. New-klee-ur. You see what I'm saying? When you say new-kew-ler it makes you sound like a douche. Seriously. You're making us look bad. And I know, I know, "What about metathesis?" Well, I don't care. It sounds silly. That just tells me that you're lazy. This is why people think we're stupid, ya'll. (<-- semi-acceptable, southern colloquialism)
It took all of my will power to not go over there, slap you right in your new-kew-ler saying face, and tell you the correct pronunciation. Now, don't get me wrong, this pronunciation is in the dictionary, but only as a metathesis, not the proper pronunciation. Maybe this is just a me thing, and that is highly possible, sir. If I've stepped on your toes, I sincerely apologize, but please, listen to reason. Do you know how many countries made fun of us when Bush was president? Just because he sounded uneducated? It doesn't matter if you're the smartest man in the world (he's not), if you don't sound like it, then you won't be perceived that way.
I'm glad we cleared that up. Hopefully, we can see eye-to-eye on this. I'm sure you're a nice man, but you sound like an ass-hat.
Sincerely,
A concerned Southerner
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